When a life is lost...........

Is there anything more tragic and heartbreaking than when someone you know, or a family member, passes away? It becomes harder to deal with if they go 'before their time'.

With pets it can hit just as hard - even though we all know that, generally speaking, we will outlive our cats and dogs, it's still a wrench when they pass on - especially when, often, you have to 'put them to sleep' and making that decision is something I just had my first experience of.

I just got back from our vet after realising that our little Lulu (6 month old orange female cat) was not right at all. She started presenting with all the symptoms of a virus called FIP which is the mutated form of FACV which she probably picked up when she was a tiny kitten.

Her little foibles that were initially put down to 'quirkiness' started to make sense over the past couple of days in a symptomatic sort of way. Her ability to pee in the middle of the floor, her very limited appetite and her constant sleeping became pieces of a larger puzzle.

Then yesterday she lost use of her back legs which completed the diagnosis.

Web research was done and a fairly accurate diagnosis was made and confirmed by the vet. I then agreed that we had to put her to sleep.

I've had, and lost, a few cats in my life but all have been given away at some stage or ran off or killed in some variation of motor vehicle incidents. I've never had to put a pet to sleep - it's not an easy thing to do especially when the little mite is only 7 months old.

I thought I would be ok in dealing with this as it was and still is the right thing to do - but it has hit me a lot harder than I ever thought possible. Maybe it's because Lulu was such a lovely little kitten or maybe it was the fact that I was there holding her while she passed away - I don't know. I do know that what happened today, although not cruel, was very very sad to the point of heartbreaking, and I'm a tough guy, right!?

What am I going to be like when Meg (our dog of 7 years) dies or needs the same decision making? A good friend died a couple of years ago of a heart attack the night before his wedding - he was in his early 30's - tragic and sad, and I was very sad - and it hit me in a different way. My Grandad died when I was 20 and I was sad but he was old and it wasn't such a shock, after-all - old people die.

Maybe the level of sadness or reaction to death is not only linked to the strength of the connection you have with that person or pet but also to the shock factor when they go all too soon.

Lulu was not the healthiest of cats but before the weekend I had no idea I would be taking her to the vet to end her life today. Maybe that is the reason I'm a mess right now? Unforeseen decision of life or death thrust upon me out of the blue.

Poor little Lulu - she deserved more than 7 months of life and most of that she was cranking out symptoms of the virus she had iside her - she liked her green blanket and her cat tree house and she loved her bed by the heating vent that used to be Meg's bed.

Meg will miss eating her poo! I'll just miss hearing her little bell on her collar as she slips around the wooden floors...... rest in peace little Lulu - you were only here for a short time but you affected me and Mar and the people who met her more than those few months really should have. Hope you are in a better place and able to jump and run and bounce around like you were meant to in this life.